gamer juice but it's just fruit juice @lemememeringue@deadinsi.de

hmmmm I feel like complaining but I'm not personally offended by anything in my life right now,,, I shall correct this

why can I not right-click on the application I searched for and open the folder it resides in

hmmmmmm hatred for win10

tithing has always been v hands off. put money in the offering basket and pass it down. I've not Had to decide where to allocate. this wasn't smth that was covered. and even when I attended the church's fiscal meetings, tithes covered bills and already established community projects. I didn't need to choose where to help bc a board of ppl already decided.
how the fuck do ppl prioritise

at a point I feel financially secure so it's time to start tithing again, which is a lot more tricky since I no longer have a church home. the next obvious course of action is charity, but it's overwhelming trying to decide for WHAT. do I vet a charity org? would direct gfm donations make a more tangible impact in line w the spirit behind tithes? I could do both... but where do I start?

this is so funny actually dfghjkhgfdghj I'm looking at raj's opinion of his dead baby momma and he found her "Very Unattractive" dfghjkhgfghj YOU WOOHOO'D IN A DUMPSTER WITH HER

here's what's happened thus far.
olive garden (so named bc she wore a lot of green not bc she's a foodie) was a broke college student who lived out of one of the shipping crates at the company, this Topian ("dystopian") Crates Inc, that she worked at.
olive was phenomenal at time management and somehow was juggling a full course-load, parties, work, and an unplanned baby from one of the party woohoos. the baby's name is thistle garden.

... and then I accidentally zoned out while the game was running and when I zoned back in thistle had been moved into their absent father's household at 20 culpepper house (raj and his mom) because OLIVE GARDEN DIED????? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

so I kinda just ... I got burned by that yanno? I started a new save but I didn't actually Plan anything and I've just been playing it and I'm saying all this to say I don't know what to add to my storyline cw bc I don't know what the heck it's about

it's been actual ages since I've had the spoons to post even if I did summon enough spoons to play sims like I ran thru a whole storyline that was v good and had evil lesbian vampires who AUTONOMOUSLY ELOPED and then my file fucking corrupted and it's just gone

love my snarky follow ups to any sign of vulnerability I post online. re-centering <3

how arrogant of me to consider myself so maliciously powerful tbh it's literally not that deep

maybe I don't actually want anything at all and by any action I've wasted time and ruined some innocent woman's day. or maybe I Do want romance but I'm not actually Capable of Feeling it so it's all an act and when the charade is up I've wasted time and ruined some innocent woman's day.

I don't have this thought fully formed, but a deep-seated fear of mine is that I don't want a human partner, but an arm-candy status symbol that I can lavishly spoil with gifts and who will smile and laugh. this fantasy partner has free will and comes and goes as she pleases and the relationship is nonexclusive so that all her needs can be appropriately met. for reasons I can't interpret, that fantasy feels Bad. that no matter how consensual, I am Hurting this partner by not performing ... something. I don't know what the something is. also Everything I do in this fantasy is a Performance so it's Not Real Love and I'm sociopathic and objectifying and I should Change My Mindset before ever considering interacting w a real person bc I will Hurt them.

and yanno that's just a thought that coexists in my mind