xoey @2015_05_09@deadinsi.de

Update! This might be the most important post ever since it was written (today) the day after I started estrogen. https://write.as/20150509/2019-05-27

Update! Big long update about a lot of things. Euphoria, dysphoria, dressing up fem. I had so much to say after such a weird, but great, weekend! https://write.as/20150509/2019-04-07

My experience with being a girl was like this.

Imagine you're born wearing an invisible mask. You naturally assume everyone else is wearing a mask, too.

Every time someone tells you how to act or how to be you add some paint to the mask. The mask getting heavier each time.

Eventually, 2 weeks ago for me, the mask starts suffocating you. You start drowning. It's literally killing you. But you don't know it's the mask doing it because the mask was always there.

After breaking down completely, and still not being sure why, you take off the mask.
And then, the next moment, I was trans.

Hi, I'm Zoey. I'm a trans girl. I figured this out around 2 weeks ago. My pronouns are she/her and nothing else.

But this isn't just an announcement post. Nope. You see you can also read about my transitioning in real time here. I was adviced to keep a gender diary and so I did.
If you care, and I don't blame you if you don't, you can read about how I'm tearing down my life and rebuilding myself.

https://write.as/20150509/

Boost this to instantly become gay and gain 5 skill levels in Programming

my aesthetic is saying things that are dumb enough that other people in the conversation start questioning if we're still talking about the same thing

the coronavirus is extremely hard on me as an extroverted poly horny person

during my time of logging off i got this gift at least

what the hecc is 😏 use your words i don't speak top

https://twitter.com/ayyy_vuh/status/1244084470648627201

Because undiagnosed dysphoria? Can't socialize due to expectations of a social role I couldn't fulfill? Never feeling any sense of relatability with any of my peers?

So I became an introvert by necessity. To protect myself.

And these are the hardest to play with others! If I liked some extremely mediocre time wasters like ticket to ride I'd have an easy time growing up and getting to play with others.

But I didn't, and I don't. So I have to look for specialist groups and dedicated players to find any satisfaction in my hobbies.

Combine this with my undiagnosed dysphoria growing up and that meant I couldn't make any friends with similar interests at all.

Then again, because I am the highly competitive being that I am the most fun I have with board games is usually highly competitive tightly balanced 1v1 games.

Android: Netrunner is one of those and I'm so sad it's out of print. But also the cool stuff you can do in that game is unreal. I love it. There's just nothing like sitting there all smug going "I built my board up and now you either try and stop me from winning and die, or you let me do this and I win", and the feeling when you're in a desperate situation and pull off an amazing bluff for the win is also unbeatable.

Even running into a trap and getting murdered for it is something else, what with most board games avoiding player frustration as if it's the worst thing.

When I grew up I thought Monopoly and Yahtzee was all there was to board games. If you were hardcore you'd play Risk, sometimes.

And those games are all garbage. Trash.
And because board games require other people I simply avoided them in favour of video games. Where I could get interesting mechanics.

But now that I can play with fellow nerds board games are great.

My girlfriend watches more anime than me and yet she can't recognize a single touhou

And she keeps calling me a weeb

Help me from this bullying