longish sad(ish?) post
asked; "do you still like me?" to the person I live with today
they were very taken aback like "what's WRONG with you???" and I'm just like heck I dunno. I feel like surely it'll wear off?
part of this feeling is likely informed by past relationships, but also I think by disability
it seems that it's likely to take a lot of time before I can trust that someone's interest or care will continue to outweigh the inconvenience of having to physically look after me
I remain very glad that people do, and I recognise I'm not always being totally rational. but the feeling's there nonetheless
me, after a couple weeks of working full-time from home: "really, you need a routine that lets you get into the right headspace to stay focused and get stuff done"
me, after 3 years of working full-time from home: "ok, so there are exactly 24 species of birds that visit the birdfeeder outside my window. I've named 10 of the birds, and there is one Mourning Dove, Phyllys, that is my favorite. The Wrens and Starlings are currently at war, with the Grackles taking advantage of the distraction to e
there’s so much I want to DO. I’m currently living with someone with a background in philosophy and English literature and they’ve got so many interesting books and I want to read tonnes of them. I also want to learn French cos I know shreds of it already and feel annoyed every time I half-understand something on Mastodon. And Hindi, because I know even fewer shreds of it already but it’s a language I should have been raised knowing, so not knowing it is the most frustrating thing.
Currently focusing on solo music and Powderpaint music and other collaborations and lefty video essays which I also want to do but that doesn’t leave much time or energy for much else esp with disability tiredness.
and also I guess my day job sometimes which I do not want to do but I do want the money
don’t really have a point here as such, just type-thinking. I hope I can eventually find a way to work some of the non-essential things into my downtime somehow cos it’d be nice
advice req, patreon-type things
so a couple people have been requesting that I set up some kind of a payment thing like patreon. earning from anything I do would obviously be super useful especially as I decrease my hours to spend more time on leftist vlogs and music videos and stuff that is generally at least less horribly corporate than my current day job
trouble is pateron just upped their cut and in any case I'm not sure which service to go for, or how to approach it in terms of "rewards," or whatever, like that feels... weird? or perhaps I just don't know how to approach it.
if you were supporting, what would you want? which service would you wanna use? would you be interested at all?
basically this is all new to me and any and all opinions would be good ty ~
hey it's me the one who yells at people on YT and also likes wholesome interactions with lovely queers and queer-adjacents on mastodon hi
also in @powderpaint
they/them pronouns please
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