honestpost, mh ~ to mh -, weight mention Show more
someone i know came out as trans to me and described her acceptance of such as a crippling worst-ever-experience depression mood
and then i realized i had what fits that description every day, for the past at least 6 months, and at least once a week for the past 18
i mean there's a really good chance i'm trans beyond the general apathy for gendered expression I have right now but essentially with my self-image and anxiety my gender is "fat fuck" and there's no space for any other interpretation in my head, the body dysmorphia (or maybe it's not dysmorphia because it's actually there?) is just too overwhelming. And I couldn't afford to commit even if I was sure because there's just no capacity for anything left in my mind.
I need to fix weight, social anxiety / fucked up internalized lack of self-esteem / perceived inferiority and then whatever feels spring up, in that order. And I don't really know where to start.