personal, internalised homophobia 

this metaphor was a lot more put together when she said it. anyway, it's funny to think of my hangups as just socks.

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personal, internalised homophobia 

I don't have an answer to my questions but my sister was able to help me put things back in perspective. we both have a lot of internalised isms and we're working through them all alone without any proper training. and I'm a lot better than I used to be. it feels like I've taken ten steps backwards but I haven't actually lost any progress, just uncovered something I didn't clean up as well as I thought. it's like I cleaned the whole house to get rid of a mouldy smell and then I find a pair of old socks. the socks are grimy but at least my house is mostly clean.

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would it be better if we used low fructose corn syrup instead

I'm like a vampire but for the other three humours

Hi I'm Rhys! I'm a low/no income trans-nonbinary artist in Texas in my 30s.

⭐ I do commissions! You can purchase one here: ko-fi.com/bugpaws/commissions

if Paypal is not an option, DM me letting me know which you'd like. I also accept Venmo and Cashapp.

⭐ I have an Etsy shop! etsy.com/shop/cosmicstarwipe

⭐ I run a Patreon! patreon.com/xenocat

and I accept tips/donations at ko-fi.com/bugpaws

personal, internalised homophobia 

now how do I be okay with me?? 😭 how do I accept myself in more than just name?

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personal, internalised homophobia 

all this anxiety makes me wonder if I made a mistake bc I'm checking to see if I truly feel attraction and if this is actually internalised biphobia but I know it's not. I know it's not because the thought of living my life with a man makes me sad and scared but I am So Happy whenever a woman expresses even a passing interest in me. I documented my feelings. I don't have to remember perfectly because I Wrote It Down. I know who I am.

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personal, internalised homophobia 

"safety net" is probably the wrong term since the whole time it felt like an inescapable curse, but yanno.

I don't really know how to Be a lesbian person. I spent so much time researching social dynamics and presentation that I forgot to actually learn to be okay with just being around women. I see them and feel like I'm perving and the way I was able to previously "cleanse" myself was to cognitively distance myself. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be present.

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personal, internalised homophobia 

I think id'ing as a lesbian has rly just pointed out stuff that was already there. I still have hangups abt explicitly sapphic content that I Don't have abt hetero or achillean content of the same vein. now that I've chosen to give up my bi identity, specifically because I chose to stop centring my love life around men, I have to actually Process what that means without the safety net of "eventually there will be a guy".

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personal, internalised homophobia 

okay I rly thought I was over this but since the label switch I've started doing the Checking stuff again like shdhfj stoppp I don't need to do that!!

⚠️ begpost, urgent ⚠️ 

Bank account went $60 into the red today. Insurance came out unexpectedly.

$150 is inbound to the account (what little we'd managed to save...), but it's gonna be a bit before it hits apparently. We initiated the transfer last week, when we had to have that emergency dental work done.

Alex isn't paid until tomorrow. If we don't resolve this, we will have a $32 overdraft fee. We absolutely cannot afford this right now.

Anything helps. Literally anything.

PayPal: paypal.me/Elizafox
CashApp: $plausocks (my wife's)

want a good web browsing experience? go into the woods and look for spiders

selfie ec, boosts mandatory 

feelin big :nonbinary: vibes tonight

I am fond of blocking people and forgetting they exist

I don't rly wanna dig into the more niche flags tbh. I just got here I'm not qualified to be repping advanced lesbianism

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I remember the first lesbian pride flag I saw was the one w the battle axe. that was metal and wayyy more appealing even now. (I think I just have a bias towards purple tbh.) but the triangle brings up some memories I'd rather not think of. I assume that was intentional but that's uh, not rly smth I want to remember every single time.

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