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i woke up too fucking early but snapchat brought back some stuff i never thought i’d see again so i’m okay with it. lemme try to thread it together

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walking around town in my leather jacket street tough outfit and an exaggerated new york voice:
i love when texans die

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imagine your lewds being on ancestry dot com :/

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6 foot tall voice:
people usually aren’t as scrappy as they think they are. many “scrappy” people have bled between my large hands

face tat george strait posting sly cooper porn on insta and not backing down

Conservative News Anchor wants you to know that you can talk to him at if you spot him in Brookshire Brothers, but that you should get and stay fucked if you go to walmart

sending a couch and blanket back in time to comfort all of my buds who aren’t human yet

every day i have to heft my good and satisfying dick over my shoulders like Atlas

The cool thing about America is how rich people get caught spending absurd amounts of money doing insanely illegal and immoral things every single year, and yet everyone's always like "Gosh, this country just can't afford something as radical as reparations."

@bryceyoungquist @Slipperywerm @jzs42069 6’ tall people are the most oppressed class on earth I think.

@LuigiEsq @jzs42069 please, we are lonely, and when we touch one of the smallfolk you tend to break like fine china in our massive, craggy hands

6 foot tall voice:
people usually aren’t as scrappy as they think they are. many “scrappy” people have bled between my large hands

@Slipperywerm @jzs42069 @DMX howard stern: now, madam secretary, do you know what a sybian is?
hilary: *laughing* why, yes howie i actually always carry a sybian with me in one of my purses.
HS: really?
HRC: really!
HS: would u ride one for us right now?
hrc: *laughing* i’m just gonna be chilling, riding on the sybian!

congrats to The Shape of Water for winning Best Picture two years in a row

I love how liberals do biopics on conservatives to "get them" and fall in love with them by the time they finish the movie.

Damn I wish the awards given by the rich pedophiles who run the world were more diverse along the lines of race and gender 😞

this is the best photo i ever took or will ever take and i will never stop posting it

Oscar Shitposting Show more

Oscars is short for "Operating System Cars", which is a Disney effort to bring the magic of Larry the Cable Guy as a truck to your computer

Imagine a world where Bohemian Rhapsody didn't win any awards of any kind

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