reader, if you ever desire to feel intimate kinship with our ancestors huddling around a crude campfire in their richly painted caves, i implore thee forget thy fork one day and instead claw into a pre-packag'd salad bowl with bare hands staining them not with freshly slain game's blood but instead with yogurt sauce as i have done today. it is a spiritual, sublime experience, and i have sated an appetite i did not know i had. amen

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