Ignore my pathetic pity party 

Living in this body has been like trying to drive cross-country in an antiquated jalopy that breaks down every 20 miles.

If I eat meat, I get really sick and the pain becomes unbearable. If I don't eat meat, I get anemic and feel lightheaded all the time.
If I don't take my meds and supplements, I would never be able to function in any capacity, ever. But they're destroying my liver and kidney function. My gut lining is already fucked so I can't digest food- especially raw food- on my own. But the enzymes are prohibitively expensive. I've tried every diet under the sun, including AIP which is the strictest regimen available. My blood work is a mess, I'm eating as much potassium as I can possibly fit into a day and my levels are still low. I'm low on everything. My body just cannot fucking absorb nutrients and I genuinely do not know wtf to do for myself anymore. If I were a doctor, I'm not sure I would see me as a viable transplant recipient. Fml. 😰


Ignore my pathetic pity party 

Getting the MyChart app was the worst thing they could've done to me. I already know how bad I am. I've had doctors poking at me for years. A print out of my blood results, I can fold up, lose and not have to think about. But the MyChart app sends me alerts and so I'm compelled to look. And then I'm compelled to research because I want to understand what I'm looking at. 😬😩 My kidneys aren't filtering properly so of course my c02 levels are gonna be dummy low. I have an autoimmune disease, I know my neutrophil count is donko high. I don't need alerts for that and I really don't need to be having anxiety attacks over looking up what my Alanine Aminotransferase / SGPT score means. Please stop doing this to me. I can send messages directly to my doctor with this app and it's tempting to ask for potassium transfusions. If my body needs it so bad, I'mma go Kevorkian on this bitch. But he'll likely have to report me to the white coats for it. Lol

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