Kat Suricata @KatSuricata@deadinsi.de

now that i had surgery and can sit upright again, i decided i wanted to start writing again finally, so i started with some shitty poetry to shake the rust off

https://creativeartifice.com/haollow

for all that WordPress is almost the single most successful project the internet has ever seen, Automattic has never done hosting sites (not services) themselves very well. i cannot remember the last time i have seen a single person use or care about WordPress-dot-com.

i am not very enthusiastic about their ability to understand the things that made Tumblr good and reinforce them after years of atrophy, but nor am i very apprehensive about it. it’s a solid We’ll See.

i keep trying to get into Pillowfort, but it keeps failing to connect with me for some reason. it doesn’t have the community feel that Tumblr did—Mastodon is the replacement there—but it doesn’t have enough non-art posts to have much of its own original feel. i haven’t found a use for it for anything but casually browsing fanart, since ’s federation makes discovering that on here harder than it needs to be.

maybe Automattic will unfuck Tumblr so i can just use that again, who knows

late to the meme, but behold: MAXIMUM CATGIRL

i have never been as enthusiastic for anything as this human being is about their credit card provider’s app

there is nothing holding the left back more nowadays than the intolerable purity culture we have going on, where you have either never done anything wrong your entire life and every single second of every piece of content you put out from the second of your birth to the heat death of the fucking universe is perfect ambrosia wholly without sin or flaw *or* you are an evil traitor demon who spouts libel against the proletariat and who never deserves to log onto the internet again

i would honestly be able to tolerate ContraPoints discourse so much more if it wasn’t *always* just an endless loop of

“wow, a super intelligent trans woman who is absolutely killing it in terms of success lately, helping to spread leftist ideas to huge audiences we usually struggle to reach in intelligent, shareable, digestible ways!
…
…
…
but here’s this one research error (in a 40-minute video, from a one-woman team) or a one-off joke that wasn’t conceptualised perfectly, ｃａｎｃｅｌｌｅｄ”

i use Google Play Music for streaming right now, but because it’s being deprecated Eventually™, i thought i’d try out YouTube Music Premium (its future replacement) since access to one gives you access to the other

i just have to ask: how the ever-living hell can the music selection be inconsistent between two services owned by the SAME PEOPLE

i honestly don’t know if i could be any more hyped for VtMB2 than i currently am; vampires will forever be one of my greatest guilty pleasures, and they are *shockingly* underexplored in gaming. what we’ve gotten to see of it so far looks stunning.

seriously, what were the last vampire games we’ve even gotten? Vampyr (which was barely-playable) and DARK (which was *completely* unplayable)? and DARK was yeeeaaarrrs ago

give me my goth bloodsuckers gdi

is it just me or does diet cranberry juice taste like really watered-down blood

it’s actually kind of uncanny once i realised how strong the similarities were

i would honestly love to switch to @Tusky from @fedilab because of the Gab situation but i have never managed to get Tusky not to randomly fail to display half of my timeline no matter what fixes were suggested 😿

just got hit with the “remove instance block” update today which makes it sting extra

i don’t know why i keep looking up “best RPGs” lists as if i haven’t at least tried every single decent WRPG to ever be released between my birth and the current day

it’s slim pickings for RPG fans, man. don’t make me replay a BioWare game for the 97th time, i beg you

if there’s any Pokémon i *might* replace on it, it’d be Froslass; she does have pretty serious difficulties living, and she isn’t usually the lead. or at least turn her into a Destiny Bond trap. still though, she’s my favorite Pokémon, so i try hard to keep her on there, and she *does* do good work against Fighting teams.

is there anything more satisfying in Pokémon Showdown than running a monotype Ice team and beating a mono Fire team? (anecdotally, the answer is no)

i am sick of dealing with my own emotions, i’m sick of dealing with others’ emotions, i’m sick of being sick and of being in more pain on a daily basis than some people ever experience in their lives. i hate it. i hate not knowing whether or not i even have a hope of survival. there is genuine trauma to be found in uncertainty.

all i want is to be okay. or even to know whether or not i’ll be okay at all. i HATE this, so much.

i hate the fact that there is NOTHING i can fucking do.

i never used to understand why people in awful situations would be upset by being told how brave they are, because it came from such a lovely place, but i get it now. it makes me want to scream sometimes.

i am not *brave,* i am *terrified.* i have panic attacks every day and crippling waves of helplessness every time i think about my situation slightly too long. i am all but confined to bedrest, the single most soul-crushing thing in existence.

every time i hear “you’re so brave”, all i can hear at this point is “congratulations on not killing yourself, somehow”. i know where it comes from, and i appreciate it—i do—but it feels mocking, sometimes.

i know this is such an obvious statement it borders on the tautological, but: fuck, dude. being terminally ill *sucks.* >_<